Too much time on social media lately brought up this blog today. I think I'm beginning to enter that crotchety old person phase of life. I find I have much less tolerance for BS and rude behavior. I find more and more that I would just rather not associate with some people than to spend the energy to put up with their attitude.
When I was younger, I felt it was my job to try to make sure everyone in my life was happy and safe and felt like at least I cared about them and their lives. It was exhausting! The shocking thing was the variety of reactions I got from everyone. It went from gratitude (which was the minority), to distrust, to entitlement, and even hostility. Something that was even more shocking to me was how very few people returned the affection.
Now, do not get me wrong, I have no ill feelings about any of this. My actions were of my own choosing. No one forced me to care about these other people and in life there are no guarantees that your efforts will ever be returned in kind or even appreciated for that matter, and if you expect those things you are just asking for disappointment. However, these past experiences are the basis for my recent attitude shift.
I no longer feel the need to be present for anyone else. I have done my time and spent my energy. If they have a need and think I can help, friends and family are more than welcome to come to me but I will no longer seek out everyone to make sure their lives are in order.
There are even a few people I have stopped communicating with altogether. I feel the loss and it is sad that where there was once a relationship now there is nothing but I find my life has become so much more peaceful and drama-free. I hope they find life is better too. While I do not want certain people in my life again, I will continue to wish for nothing but the best for them. Not talking to them does not mean I stopped caring, I just chose to care more about my own peace of mind.
So now I'm just waiting for the day I start yelling at neighbor kids to get off my lawn. I guess it's a good thing we live on the second floor of an apartment building right now. It will stave off those crotchety episodes for a while longer.